Wedding on A Credit Card

January 28, 2015 2:04 am0 comments by:

The whole place was elegantly beaming with class. A lavish Somali wedding that was definitely over the top and without a doubt, one that had the touch of highly paid professional experts. From top to bottom, it was draped with perfection. From the look of things, the brother must have dished out at least a cool 50 grand for that wedding if not more. It was held in an exclusive top-notch hotel—a $60 a plate kind of place— not my taste but ridiculously expensive nonetheless. It was entry by invites only, if you did not flash a card you had no luck getting in.

The groom and bride looked awesomely happy and seemed elated for the occasion. Although she was more than 5 years his senior, the brother was proud to tie her up and she was definitely oozing with elegance. He could not hide the genuine affection and love he had for her. They were in their moment. They were completely zoned out of the surroundings and focused only on holding each other while grooving to “End of the Road” by Boys 2 Men. Hmmm, that one had me scratching my head literally (the DJ needs to have his wrinkled balls fed to the neighbors dogs), or maybe he knew something we didn’t know.

The freaking place was packed to capacity no doubt. Fake smiles were freely thrown around, cheap cologne vaporized the joint and hidden tagged gowns that would be returned after the occasion sashayed throughout the ballroom. And given the nature of how we Somalis roll, it would not be far-fetched if I said that some of the Xaliimos were probably dicing and slicing the bride for robbing the cradle. But who cares, that was their night. They looked sandy and dandy for the celebration and that’s all that mattered. As the flashing camera lights were still going off, loud music blistered my ears and the sound of cutlery dinging from the room. I was kind of zoned off in a mathematical dreamland. Busy trying to calculate how all ‘this’ was pieced together and funded.

A simple brother living in a 3-bed apartment two blocks down the road, working as an insurance claim adjustor, how the hell could he pull this off? Unless he had an oil baron uncle that I did not know about, the fudging math just didn not add up. What about her, you ask? Yeah, last time I checked bank-tellers, do not break bank either (figuratively speaking).

A professional photographer was taking glamorous shot after glamorous shot, not for the memories but for Instagram and Facebook. And while the bride is smiling and waving at that table across the room, don’t be fooled by that Xaliimo’s acknowledged Smile. She is probably busy cutting her to pieces under her breath, “why she didn’t tone that ‘baruur’ arm or the dress is whack”…Or something. Ca not please them, so why even try? As the Somali saying goes…”sida loo jabo ayaa loo dhutiyaa” (your injury determines how you limp), has totally been lost in the shuffle. Putting a wedding on a credit card while living paycheck to paycheck is magnanimously insane, to say the least. If my memory serves me right, marriage expectancy in this day and age is 18 months. So, is 50 grand really worth the gamble?

A hefty price for a few hours that does not guarantee longevity and true happiness is all twisted and mad crazy. You can not please the masses by getting all your priorities misunderstood and hustle all backwards. Save your goddamn money and do not be a dummy, that’s what I told my nephew when he was about to jump into the same ocean recently. Living the life of the Kardashians on muufo and maraq budget just wo not cut it. Live your wage son. Live your wage. But for now, I simply had to stick to my duty which was to MC the event (A generously paid gig for a few hours if I may add), and quit worrying about how and who paid for the wedding. That was far above my pay grade and concern for that matter. But as my inquisitive mind would coin it, the more lavish the wedding, the shorter the journey. The louder the floss, the shallower the love. The brighter the bling, the deeper the credit. You get my point right?

Sadly, and as you may have guessed, a mere three months later Ol’boy was left with a hefty credit bill and no wife! At least the wedding lasted longer than their dating cycle. Poor kid got a double whammy, getting slammed in the wallet and in his heart. Now he is back on the tarmac hustling to pay for his stupidity and nursing his crushed ego.

By: Nephew Hamza

He is a Somali- born Tanzanian who grew up in Kenya. He unveiled himself in the United States of America. He is a fit healthy functional dad, a globalist and progressive. Other than English, he speaks Swahili, Somali and Sarcasm. He writes fiction stories that are based on realities and on issues about lifestyle and cultural. More information about Hamza and his website is found at: http://www.nephewscorner.com/ or follow him on Facebook Nephew Hamza.

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